When I was in elemantary school I was teased and bullied A LOT. For the way that I looked, dressed, my weight, my body shape and even my name. It was a horrbile experience. Especially the years I went to a school that was more white dominated. I'll never forget the day a classmate told me I was only ugly because my skin makes me look dirty. I was six years old then.
Anywhoot, fast forward to Junior HS I was popular. People loved everything I was bullied for back then. My clothes were considred stylish, my haircut was cool, pretty much everything about my authentic self was loved. In being popular unfortunately at that age came with "adolescent perks". No one would dare try to fight me or go against what I said, I hung out with other considerably cool kids and boys chased me, being so I was also part of a group that had kids who bullied other children. I never let it happen though. I would literally physically fight for other people who were teased, humiliated or used. I couldn't bare to see anyone being mistreated at any capacity. That lingered with me to adulthood.
As an adult I am constantly working on my anger issues. Just recently I had an experince with a woman named Leo who does massages in connection to your chakras with Blooming Soul Co., she asked me what I want to work on, I immediately said ANGER. I'm angry at humans. I'm angry because I see so many people being taken advantage of, used, abused and I just be angry with people who can be more but choose less. It something I always need to work on. I haven't figured out yet how to maintain the space where I can see people live at their lowest peak and feel content. It really isn't my business and its toxic that I feel the need to drill greatness into them. It's really one of the two main reasons I don't fancy Spiritual work in the masses or large communities. Between us, I know my past lives have a lot to do with this but I want to overcome that and work on it. I reach great pinnacles and walk away from spotlights for the sake of my personal health.
What was I angry at today that sparked this? Instagram. Of all things, yup, it was the gramz. I get so angry seeing people become so dependent on others to live their best life. People start to idolize this imaginary hierarchy and when this magical being decides they need to "take a break" they take a break too in their "healing". It is the strangest phenomenon. It angers me because I want to tell people they are whole alone. They are great even when they are working on themsleves. They are beautful even when they are angry. It's okay to work on yourself and never reach that "goal" of done. The process is the "done". You just have to figure out how to live in and with and through the process. That is the succession. So, although I still get angry and havent tamed my want to fix or what I believe is best for everyone, I learned to not let the anger drown me to a point of misery or needing to solve it by disconnecting. I am aware of it and realize it's me. I am choosing to be angry based on my experiences and therefore I don't need to disconnect and go in circles with "healing" that. I simply stay aware, release healthily and can stay connected to me, to others and to life in general. "Breaks" have become synonymous with evading to see things that make you happy only to return again to need another break.
Break from your ideal, not your experience. It's okay to not have completely conquered letting go but how will you ever thrive if you one, put the responsibility entirely to someone else and two, disconnect every time your'e triggered. Release. I write, I post, I talk shit and yeah some people hate it but at least I'm not physcially fighting anyone anymore.
My name is Raygrid and people anger me but I love myself enough to know that they are not responsible for my experience.